If you want to stop a bad or addictive habit for good here is a step-by-step framework to follow that will work over and over. I hope you find this helpful.
4 Steps For Creating Lasting Change
- Decide what you want – Clearly define the outcome that you want to achieve. It needs to be specific and measurable. When you think about it, it should get your energy going and blood flowing.
- Understand why you want it – Define why you want it. This is actually the most important part because you need to be able to follow through when tough situations challenge you. You need a stated mission that drives you.
- Figure out how you will do it – This is your action plan. Your Massive Action Plan! You need to lay out a plan for how you’re going to make it happen.
4. Decide how far you will take it – Decide what you want to become. What do you want to do? What do you want to experience? What do you want to give? Who do you want to help? What do you want to master?
What do you want?
You need to clearly define the outcome you want. Imagine you were going to the shooting range for target practice but there were no targets available…what would you shoot at? Sure you can pick a spot to fire at which will still feel good in the moment, but without a clearly defined target you are just shooting in the dirt with no real direction.
Obviously, you can’t hit a target that you haven’t defined.
You need to be extremely specific when choosing your target or end goal for your mission. You can’t be vague or ambiguous. You need to be as specific as possible especially when setting goals that you haven’t tried before or you have tried but were unsuccessful with in the past. You need to choose specific dates, numbers, and metrics. Nothing can be a range or an approximation.
You need a tangible specific target.
If you are headed on a road trip to somewhere that you’ve never been before, what do you do after selecting the destination?
You go look at a map and plan the route. Usually you schedule some stops along the way. And that doesn’t mean your plan won’t change from time to time once you get on the road. If 2020 taught us anything it’s that we need to be able to adapt or suffer the consequences.
Focus on habits vs goals. The habits you create and turn into rituals will help you get to the goals you set.
Why Do You Want It?
Your why needs to be the real driver to get you there. You will need a strong enough reason to follow through when challenging situations show up. And they will because they always do.
This is what separates the people who get it done from the majority who don’t.
Your reason for wanting to achieve this goal needs to be strong. Like really strong. If you aren’t truly and completely committed to making this happen, your subconscious will know and you won’t have the emotional energy it takes to get there.
There is nothing you can do about this. It can’t be faked. You might be able to accomplish something temporarily but it will never last long term.
Fact: If your “Why” isn’t strong enough you won’t have the emotional energy it takes to follow through. Period.
Here’s the amazing part about the way your body, mind, and subconscious work…if your why is truly strong enough, and if you want it bad enough, you will figure out the how. And it works every single time. That’s one of the most fascinating things about your mind. If you want something bad enough nothing can stop you.
I could give you literally thousands of amazing and inspiring examples from recent history. Stopping a bad or addictive habit isn’t new, it’s been done before. Which means others did it and so can you. Realizing that should be a game-changer for you. This is a choice. A decision just like the choices you are currently making, only the opposite of most of them. Your choice either way.
Here’s one of the keys: Your mindset needs to be 80% Why and 20% How
(this is a secret I learned: it’s true for anything you want to do in life).
Whether you like it or not every single day you are in a consistent and never-ending war with yourself. And you are either winning or losing.
Winning or losing your war is always a choice. It’s a decision to have a winning mindset every day. At first it might be a bit of a struggle, but just like building muscle the more you work at it the easier it gets. Eventually, you will get to the point where the struggle will be a distant memory in your personal graveyard of obstacles that you stomped out using sheer willpower and determination.
The difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is simple; successful people are willing to do the things that unsuccessful people are not willing to do. This is what separates the STRONG from the weak. The doers from the dreamers. Nothing is final except death and nothing is stopping you from doing this except you.
How will you do it?
- Change the stories you keep telling yourself
The Self-Talk or conversations you have in your head can be a new beginning or the end of you; it’s a choice. Even if your story is true, it doesn’t matter. You can change it if you choose.
- Change your State of Mind
Realizing you can change your state of mind on demand whenever you choose is very powerful. You can do this at will, as you choose, whenever you want. Learn to control your emotions and nothing can stop you!
- Replace Old Limiting Beliefs with New Empowering Beliefs
Self-Limiting Beliefs are assumed truths. All of our beliefs, good or bad, start out as an idea, then become an opinion, then turn into a belief. So really, they are assumptions and opinions that have turned into perceived truths. You can read more about overcoming self-limiting beliefs in this blog post I wrote.
- Surround yourself with the people you want to be like
Total and full immersion is the only way. You are the average of the 5 people you hang out with the most. Like it or not, this is always true. Follow, model, and/or hire a mentor to coach you This needs to be someone who’s already gotten where you want to go. No Facebook or Insta phonies- they need to be the real deal!
It is your decisions, not your conditions that determine your future and ultimately your destiny. This is why you should never make a major decision from a negative state of mind.
Plan for the bumps and forks in the road. This way when they inevitably come up you don’t get thrown off course. You have a plan to follow when these situations present themselves.
You will have a choice: Do you go back down the path that you already decided you don’t want or do you choose to follow the plan you set up to get you where you want to go?
All of this starts with a decision to make a lasting change. Then you begin executing a plan to accomplish it. When you make the decision to draw a line in the sand there is nothing that can stop you. When you are truly committed you don’t feel the need to post on social media because this isn’t for others, this is for you. If you are using SM as a way to hold yourself accountable then find a friend or two to do it within private.
All you are going to get on SM are people who gave up on their dreams that will try to talk you out of yours too.
Many of these stories you’ve been telling yourself are from when you were a kid. You can talk yourself into or out of anything with these stories. Everything you allow yourself to do or not do has a story behind it. Every single thing.
You need a target or you will get lost. You need to define a clear outcome before you start or you will run off course for sure. And being flexible, open-minded, and adaptable on your path will ensure that you get where you want to go and stay there.
Something one of my mentors always says and I have found it to be true over and over again is that taking massive action is the cure-all to make anything happen. The only way to accomplish something that you have never accomplished before is by taking massive deliberate action.
“Action Expresses Priorities” – Mahatma Ghandi
Focus on outcomes and not activities.
Focus on habits vs goals. The habits you create will help you get to the goals. We all have “habits” ingrained inside us from an early age that stick with us for our entire life if we let them.
Some habits are good and should stay, others we know are bad and need to go.
Will power doesn’t last forever but rituals will last a lifetime.
How Far Will You Take It?
What do you want to become?
Think about who you want to become. Be intentional about the person you want to be.
Since you are going to have more free time now that you are no longer wasting time on your old habits, you need to decide what you will do.
You have the what, why, and how but what’s next for you? You clearly want and are ready to make a positive change in your life so how far will you take it?
What do you want to become?
What do you want to do?
What do you want to experience?
What do you want to give?
Who do you want to help?
What do you want to master?
Is there something you have always wanted to do but never prioritized it? Maybe learning a new language? Taking up a new hobby or reigniting an old one?
These are not questions anyone can answer for you. This is unique and personal to each and every person.
“Success at the highest level doesn’t come from “luck” – it takes preparation and hard work.”
– Tony Robbins
When the inevitable challenges come up always revert back to #2 (your why).
Here is a guiding principle to live your life by:
“If you want it bad enough you’ll find a way, if you don’t you’ll find an excuse.” – Jim Rohn
This is exactly what you need to do to make a lasting change in your life. If you need any help, let me know.
Never Stop Growing.
JH
